When watching movies or television shows, I’d say my ability to suspend disbelief is pretty average. I’m good at completely ignoring the number of bullets the hero’s gun magically holds, for example. I get it, and I know I’m not supposed to actually think about those things.  Then there are the middle of the road ones that I notice but they don’t really bother me too much. Ya know, the tax attorney who just happens to have model-quality looks or the lack of traffic on the L.A. freeways. I’ll note things like that and then move on, pretty much as the creators want me to.  There is one thing, however, that no matter how many times I see it on tv or in a movie, I just can’t get behind. It takes me completely out of the artificial world (no matter how invested I was before that moment) and reminds me that the people and situations aren’t real. What dashes this artifice in such a destructive manner? People full-on making out right after a full night’s sleep.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this, because I’m not hyper-vigilant about any other cleanliness-related things that I know of. Basically, I know what my mouth is like when I wake up, and I’m pretty sure yours is like that too.  I can say that confidently because that’s the whole reason we brush our teeth in the morning.  We brush our teeth at night to get the food particles and stuff out of the wrong places, but in the morning, I’ve done nothing but sleep since my last brushing session.  And yet I see it happen over and over again.  A couple wakes up, they share a few lines of dialogue, make “let’s totally do it again” eyes at each other, and then boom – a one-way ticket to Make Out Town.  Every single time, I snap back to reality and think, “Uh, don’t you wanna at least eat a dab of toothpaste first?”  (Oh yeah, they never have to pee after a full night’s sleep either.  Liars.)

I can only think of one movie scene off hand in which a character acts like how I think a real person might.  If memory serves, “Notting Hill” has Julia Roberts’ character kind of covering her mouth with the bed sheet while talking to Hugh Grant upon greeting the morning.  I accept that and applaud the touch of realism…even if the movie focuses on a humble bookstore owner who happens to look like, ya know, Hugh Grant.

(Well shit.  I just found the scene online that I was thinking of  – starting at 7:15 of the clip – and she does nothing of the sort.  A quick Google search of “Julia Roberts covering her mouth with a sheet” tells me that it was from the movie “America’s Sweethearts” when she was in bed with John Cusack.  All this time I thought I only remembered Hank Azaria’s ridiculous accent from that movie, but apparently that scene stuck out too.  And yes, I can somehow shrug off the fact that Julia Roberts plays the unattractive sister in this movie.)