{"id":558,"date":"2011-01-31T11:10:53","date_gmt":"2011-01-31T19:10:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nothingtoreadhere.com\/?p=558"},"modified":"2011-02-04T11:18:23","modified_gmt":"2011-02-04T19:18:23","slug":"too-little-way-too-late","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/?p=558","title":{"rendered":"Too little way too late"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my last post, I wrote about the high school class called Educational Career Planning that took up ten weeks of my life.\u00a0 I left one important thing out though: my teacher.\u00a0 He was a nice enough guy, as I remember, with the unfortunate surname of Oring.\u00a0 At the time, I thought I was very clever when I\u2019d write notes to MC Squared and refer to \u201cmy teacher Mr. (B)Oring,\u201d but I\u2019m not as proud of that awesome wordplay now.\u00a0 Instead, I\u2019m frustrated by my poor timing.\u00a0 You see, I took that class in 1993, and in 1997 a little move called \u201cAustin Powers: International Man of Mystery\u201d came out.\u00a0 Pay careful attention to Tom Arnold\u2019s line at around 35 seconds into the clip<\/a>: \u201cDon\u2019t force it; you\u2019re going to blow out your o-ring.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have that line in my arsenal until four years too late, and that really bothers me.\u00a0 \u201c(B)Oring\u201d was the best I could do?\u00a0 Sadly, that appears to be the case.<\/p>\n

You might be thinking, \u201cWhy do you care about a joke you didn\u2019t make almost 20 years ago?\u201d\u00a0 Because, friends, it\u2019s not alone.\u00a0 I have two more, so I could chart this shit like it\u2019s a frickin\u2019 trend of me missing the joke boat.\u00a0 Come with me back to the time of junior high.\u00a0 I had some classes with a guy whose last name was Nowfar (pronounced \u201cNO-far\u201d).\u00a0 We were friendly enough that I went to his bar mitzvah, which is a whole other post I\u2019ll get to sometime.\u00a0 We stopped going to the same school in 1991, but it wasn\u2019t until at least a dozen years later that I realized I could\u2019ve called him \u201cBig Chief Nowfar\u201d the entire time.\u00a0 I knew that stupid joke about a Native American not being able to pass gas back when I met him too, so I don\u2019t have any excuse other than a lack of imagination.\u00a0 I could\u2019ve subtly called him \u201cChief\u201d for two years without him knowing why and laughing internally each time, but noooooo, I had to go and just call him by his actual name instead.\u00a0 Stupid kid.<\/p>\n

This last one truly pisses me off.\u00a0 I was out to lunch with some co-workers last month when I saw someone from high school who I hadn\u2019t seen since graduation in \u201995.\u00a0 As I greeted her, she looked me up and down (like\u00a0the piece of meat I am) and said, \u201cYou\u2019re a man now!\u201d\u00a0 I rather liked that confirmation.\u00a0 Anyway, the point here is that her last name is \u201cNaficy,\u201d pronounced \u201cnuh FEE see.\u201d\u00a0 See \u2013 it\u2019s so damn obvious that I don\u2019t even have to tell you what jokes I somehow neglected to make in my youth.\u00a0\u00a0 I spent 6 years in classes and even hanging out socially with her, and I didn\u2019t make one single joke about her last name sounding like shit.\u00a0 I honestly don\u2019t know what the hell was wrong with me.\u00a0 Did my desire for\/fear of girls overwhelm other parts of my brain?\u00a0 That\u2019s my best guess at this point, but either way, I can\u2019t help but be disappointed in my younger self.\u00a0 (And I just realized this second that all three jokes I didn\u2019t make have to do with the butt.\u00a0 Maybe I just had an ass joke deficiency.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my last post, I wrote about the high school class called Educational Career Planning that took up ten weeks of my life.\u00a0 I left one important thing out though: my teacher.\u00a0 He was a nice enough guy, as I remember, with the unfortunate surname of Oring.\u00a0 At the time, I thought I was very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[156,157],"class_list":["post-558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-big-chief","tag-o-ring"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=558"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":559,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions\/559"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}