{"id":513,"date":"2010-12-18T09:19:36","date_gmt":"2010-12-18T17:19:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nothingtoreadhere.com\/?p=513"},"modified":"2010-12-18T09:36:43","modified_gmt":"2010-12-18T17:36:43","slug":"lyrical-breakdown-kid-song-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/?p=513","title":{"rendered":"Lyrical breakdown: Kid song edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I realize I’ve already spent three entire posts on children’s songs, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.\u00a0 This is one of those times, my friends.\u00a0 We have a cd that someone from my lovely wife’s work burned for her, and it’s pretty damn cool.\u00a0 There’s a Ziggy Marley song that\u00a0I like, a very pretty Arlo Guthrie song, and a song called “Still the Same Me” by a group called Sweet Honey in the Rock that I genuinely like and sing around the house all the time.\u00a0 Well, there’s one more that I heard a few times and thought was cute before I ever really sat down and listened to the lyrics.\u00a0 Upon doing that, my opinion has changed slightly.\u00a0 Allow me to present “If I Ran the World” by John McCucheon.<\/p>\n

If I ran the world, everything would change
\nThe food and toy stores would be free
\nWith door to door delivery
\nOh, what a party it would be
\nIf I ran the world<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Not to start off on such a picky note, but there’s no real position called “World Runner.”\u00a0 Maybe I’m being a typical arrogant American, but I’d guess that our President is probably the closest to that job description.\u00a0 Anyway, this guy’s campaign starts off fairly strong, as free food and toys would certainly be a reason to vote for someone.\u00a0 It would, ya know, cause millions of people to lose their income, but that doesn’t seem to bother the artist.\u00a0 And if all food is free, do we really need the delivery also?\u00a0 I’d happily go somewhere to feed my family for free, not to mention the already increasingly sedentary nature of our society that could benefit from getting out of the house (even if it’s for more food).\u00a0 I’ll give him one point: if there were an unlimited supply of food and toys for everyone in the world, I can imagine that atmosphere being akin to a party…at least at first.<\/p>\n

If I ran the world each kid would have a bike
\nA swimming hole not far from home
\nA bedroom of their very own
\nNo one would have to play alone
\nIf I ran the world<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I have no issues with this stanza at all.\u00a0 In fact, it’s this stanza that let the entire song slip right past my critical ear for a couple of months.\u00a0 What a nice gesture: as World Runner, kids would all have friends and various places to have fun.\u00a0 I support that.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If I ran the world all homework would be banned
\nOur school week would be just one day
\nAnd all the rest we’d have for play
\nI’d triple every teacher’s pay
\nIf I ran the world<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You hear that?\u00a0 It’s the sound of goodwill being squandered.\u00a0 Where shall I start?\u00a0 Banning homework is a clear case of pandering to the children of the world, though if World Runner is an elected position, it would all be for naught since they’re too young to vote.\u00a0 More importantly, why significantly dumb down the world?\u00a0 School once a week and no homework?\u00a0 School isn’t supposed to be everyone’s favorite activity, but it’s obviously necessary.\u00a0 Kids wouldn’t learn to read until they weren’t kids anymore at that rate, so they wouldn’t be able to do homework very well even if it weren’t prohibited.\u00a0\u00a0 As for teachers making more money: I’m all for that…normally.\u00a0 They should definitely be appreciated more monetarily in our current society.\u00a0 That said, who thinks it’s a good idea to cut teachers’ workloads by 80% but then increase their salaries threefold?\u00a0 You know who: the teachers.\u00a0 He clearly wants the powerful Teachers’ Union backing his candidacy, even at the cost of an upside-down compensation structure.\u00a0 That’s the worst idea this guy’s had yet, even if his heart is in the right place.<\/p>\n

If I ran the world there’d be no underwear
\nI’d never comb my hair
\nPeace would break out everywhere<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Scratch that last thought of mine.\u00a0 Paying teachers too much for little work at least makes sense on some level since many teachers are overworked and underpaid.\u00a0 But who the fuck is clamoring for the eradication of underwear?\u00a0 Is its existence a common gripe that I’ve somehow avoided my whole life?\u00a0 The next line oddly switches to focusing just on our narrator.\u00a0 “I’d never comb my hair,” he says.\u00a0 Sounds like someone’s letting his power go literally to his head.\u00a0 “I run the whole damn world and I don’t like combing my hair so I’m not gonna.\u00a0 Na na na na na na.”\u00a0 Then his supreme logic kicks in and somehow equates “0 underwear + 0 hair combing = Peace.”\u00a0 Not sure I follow you there, buddy.\u00a0 And I’m all for peace, but I think your plan for it needs to be more than waiting for it to “break out everywhere” like a benevolent Ebola virus.<\/p>\n

If I ran the world each meal would have ice cream
\nThe faucets would run juice and stuff
\nThe tofu farms would have it rough
\nAnd everyone would have enough
\nIf I ran the world<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Remember that free food from before?\u00a0 Well guess what, boys and girls…it comes with ice cream!\u00a0 Oh yeah, we’re including breakfast too, don’t you worry.\u00a0 What?\u00a0 You want…water?\u00a0 Nah, fuck that – have more juice and stuff.\u00a0 And don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that came from.<\/p>\n

If I ran the world I’d never change my socks
\nMy bedtime would be late at night
\nThere’s always be a hallway light
\nWhatever’s wrong I’d make it right
\nIf I ran the world
\nWhatever’s wrong we’d make it right
\nIf we ran the world<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We’re back to the narrator owning his statements and gladly telling us that he’d have smelly feet.\u00a0 In fact, he seems very proud of his plan.\u00a0 These next two lines change things just a little, as it tells me that the narrator is either a kid himself or a very sheltered adult.\u00a0 Let’s say he’s a kid; does that excuse the poor choices he made in his campaign promises up to this point?\u00a0 Hell no.\u00a0 Picture the society this guy\/kid wants to create.\u00a0 The World Runner has bankrupted an untold amount of companies by making food free yet somehow an endless supply.\u00a0 (Sounds like he’d have to\u00a0reinstate some sort of slavery to make that happen, but I’m sure he’s thought it through.)\u00a0 Everyone is woefully undereducated and most likely obese with the copious amounts for ice cream, sugary juices, and an endless – and free! – supply of food.\u00a0 What else could make this global society less utopian?\u00a0 Got it – let’s all have dirty feet, unkempt hair, and have our nether regions flap around in our undergarments willy nilly.\u00a0 At least teachers would finally make some dough.\u00a0 And there would theoretically be peace “breaking out,” but even the crunchiest\u00a0hippies would have to consider at what cost.\u00a0 (Maybe not, as hair-combing and sock-changing may not be too high on their list of daily activities.)<\/p>\n

In short (too late for that?), I sure as hell don’t want this person as the World Runner.\u00a0 I think his goals are short-sighted and would ultimately do way more harm than good.\u00a0 Even with the prospect of free, unlimited burritos at my fingertips, I’m afraid I won’t be punching the chad next to John McCutcheon’s name should that day ever come.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I realize I’ve already spent three entire posts on children’s songs, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.\u00a0 This is one of those times, my friends.\u00a0 We have a cd that someone from my lovely wife’s work burned for her, and it’s pretty damn cool.\u00a0 There’s a Ziggy Marley song that\u00a0I like, a very pretty […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[138,137,136],"class_list":["post-513","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-obese","tag-teachers","tag-world-runner"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=513"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":516,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/513\/revisions\/516"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=513"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=513"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=513"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}