Every day when I leave work, I have to swipe my parking card to open the mechanical gate that separates me from freedom.\u00a0 I’m pretty good about putting\u00a0the card\u00a0in the same spot so I always know where it is, but sometimes it slides around when I’m competing in rally racing (I have a\u00a0Subaru)\u00a0or\u00a0evading the authorities (I’m a badass).\u00a0 The other night,\u00a0the card was not in its normal spot.\u00a0 When I got to the attendant I explained that I couldn’t find my card and the following conversation took place:<\/p>\n
Parking Attendant:\u00a0 Sorry sir, if you can’t find the card, you’ll have to pay $6 to exit.<\/p>\n
Me:\u00a0 Okay, I’m going to get out of the car and see if it slipped under the seat, just let me know if someone is pulling up behind me, I don’t want to hold up the line.<\/p>\n
Parking Attendant:\u00a0 No problem sir, take your time.<\/p>\n
(30 seconds passed before I found it under the front passenger seat)<\/p>\n
Me:\u00a0 Got it.<\/p>\n
Parking Attendant:\u00a0 Great.\u00a0 Have a nice evening.<\/p>\n
Totally normal conversation.\u00a0 It certainly didn’t prepare me for what happened next.\u00a0 In my rearview mirror, I saw the attendent step out of his both, walk into the middle of the roadway, put his hands on his\u00a0knees\u00a0and\u00a0violently projectile vomit.\u00a0 We’re talking SNL skit or Exorcist level spewing.\u00a0\u00a0 I was about to stop and check on him, when he stood straight up and calmly walked back to the booth without any signs of discomfort or embarassment.\u00a0 No big deal.\u00a0 It was as if he\u00a0just walked out to have a smoke or water the plants.\u00a0 Wait, maybe he was watering the plants… with his vomit.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every day when I leave work, I have to swipe my parking card to open the mechanical gate that separates me from freedom.\u00a0 I’m pretty good about putting\u00a0the card\u00a0in the same spot so I always know where it is, but sometimes it slides around when I’m competing in rally racing (I have a\u00a0Subaru)\u00a0or\u00a0evading the authorities […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=269"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":272,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/269\/revisions\/272"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}