{"id":207,"date":"2010-01-18T22:27:39","date_gmt":"2010-01-19T06:27:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nothingtoreadhere.com\/?p=207"},"modified":"2010-01-18T22:27:39","modified_gmt":"2010-01-19T06:27:39","slug":"like-butter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/?p=207","title":{"rendered":"Like butter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"yacht-a<\/a>I was in a check-out line at Trader Joe’s recently, and the guy in front of me just had that douchey air about him.\u00a0 You know what I’m talking about, right?\u00a0 Maybe it was canvas loafers with no socks that screamed, “I’d rather be at my yacht club right now, har har har,” but something just really didn’t rub me the right way.\u00a0 Then I listened in to the rather one-sided conversation he was having with the cashier:<\/p>\n

Douchey McGee: You don’t carry margarine here, right?<\/p>\n

Cashier: Yes, we have some.<\/p>\n

Douchey McGee: Oh, well butter is so much healthier and natural that I wouldn’t expect you to carry margarine.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Cashier: (smiling) Well, we do.<\/p>\n

Douchey McGee: Did you know that margarine is naturally black in color?\u00a0 It’s true; they add food coloring to make it look more like butter.<\/p>\n

Cashier: I didn’t know that.<\/p>\n

As I sat there questioning the veracity of his statement, she handed him his receipt, thanked him for coming in, and wished him a pleasant rest of the day.\u00a0 I stepped up and faux-apologetically said, “Sorry I don’t have such interesting tidbits to share.”\u00a0 She gave a large sigh of relief and said (surely breaking the friendly TJ’s code), “That is more than fine with me.\u00a0 Did you hear what he was complaining about?”\u00a0 “Margarine?” I offered.\u00a0 “No, before that.\u00a0 He was complaining that he had been on vacation for three weeks and so it was difficult for him to get up at 10am this morning.”\u00a0 We agreed that his plight didn’t garner too much sympathy, wished each other well, and parted ways.<\/p>\n

When I got home, I went online to fact-check his margarine origin story.\u00a0 Wikipedia<\/a> tells me: “Margarine naturally appears white or almost white.”\u00a0 That makes much more sense.\u00a0 More importantly, that guy was wrong with the trivia he<\/em> brought up in the first place.\u00a0 So if you’re scoring at home, that’s a douchey air about him, complaints regarding a three-week vacation, and false spontaneous trivia.\u00a0 I think it’s pretty safe to say that I won’t be asking to hang out on that guy’s yacht anytime soon.\u00a0 Har har har indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was in a check-out line at Trader Joe’s recently, and the guy in front of me just had that douchey air about him.\u00a0 You know what I’m talking about, right?\u00a0 Maybe it was canvas loafers with no socks that screamed, “I’d rather be at my yacht club right now, har har har,” but something […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[38,37],"class_list":["post-207","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-margarine","tag-trader-joes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=207"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":210,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/207\/revisions\/210"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=207"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=207"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/n2rh.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=207"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}