Hello hello! We made it to another weekend, which really does feel like a feat at this point. Luckily it’s also disgustingly hot and muggy outside and looks a little like the apocalypse because of fires elsewhere in the state. Yay! Safe to say this was no one’s 2020 vision.

Would a very random thought cheer you up? Oh good. Here’s my bold statement of the day that I will attempt to back up with logic: The word “necklace” is the worst possible name for that item. You might already be thinking, “But why? It’s kind of delicate like lace and goes around the neck – what’s wrong with that?” What’s wrong is that you’re ignoring the fact that it sounds exactly like “neckless” and we all just let that slide. Neckless, as in the worst possible demographic for a necklace. It’s so bad that when we talk about amazing salespeople, we should say that they “could sell a necklace to the neckless.” That’s how bad it is.

Please follow me on this journey. Imagine a boardroom at Tiffany or some other giant jeweler company back in the day. 

CEO: Team, we've been riding on the success of our earrings and broaches for ages now, and it's time we shake things up.

HEAD OF SALES: Already?  We just got through explaining how they can still be called "earrings" even when they're not all rings.  Can't we have a little breather?

CEO: Stan, we've talked about this.  No one cares if the name doesn't match, so let's move on.

STAN: (under his breath) It's still confusing.

CEO: We own the market when it comes to earlobes.  We're at the top of the lapel game.  If a finger has something beautiful on it, odds are it came from us.  But what are we missing?

STAN: I imagine you're going to tell us.

CEO: Right you are, Stan.  And what I'm going to tell you will blow your fucking mind.  It's time we branched out to...the wrist!

STAN: Huh, ya know.  I can see that, boss.  Slightly loose-fitting, options for jewels or just metal, all different sorts of style.  This could be huge! I see why you make the big-

CEO: And we'll call it...the wristlace.

STAN: I'm sorry, what?  It sounded like you said "wristless."

CEO: Yeah, but it's spelled l-a-c-e.

STAN: But it sounds like "wristless."

CEO: But it's spelled l-a-c-e!  Look, Stan, let's not get into another one of these discussions.

STAN: Sir, I um, have some concerns.  Namely, if someone has no wrists, they would never buy one of these.  So maybe not calling it something that sounds like "wristless" would be better.  Maybe cufflet or brace-

CEO: Damn it, Stan!  We're going with wristlace and your team will have to figure out how to navigate around this huuuuuge problem you seem to have with the name.

STAN: So you think, sir, that because people will at some point see that it's spelled l-a-c-e, they'll never hear it as "wristless" in their heads and realize what a stupid fucking name it is?  You think people are that idiotic that they'll walk around referring to the thing around their wrists as an adjective meaning "without a wrist" and never bat an eye?  

CEO: I'd bet my life on it.  Now get selling!

With that in mind, are you coming around at all to my bold statement? It does sound pretty stupid now to call it a “neckless,” right? Well, it took me 40+ years to realize I was going along with that name without questioning it, and while I’m not going to propose a new word instead since it would be too uphill of a battle, at least I can try to make others hear it that way and possibly shake their heads. It might be because of the word or it might be remembering how strange I am, but I’ll take either.