I’ve written a few posts in the past about re-looking at things with adult eyes and forming a new opinion on them. So far, I’ve focused largely on song lyrics and people’s names that I could’ve made fun of in hindsight, but I have a much broader category to address today: words. Yeah, that’s a pretty big category, and I realize that. I’m only going to focus on three of them today, but I reserve the right to add to this as more arise. None of these bother me as much as the unnecessarily-added D in “fridge,” but they’re officially on the list…or they would be if such a list truly existed.
First up: “fiery.” What would be so wrong about “firey” instead? Who changed the order of the letters and why? More specifically, why just with “fiery” and not “fierd” or “fiering”? In my three seconds of research, I see that we’re taking “fire” from the Middle English word of “fyr,” so in a sense, “fiery” is more true to the original. But I say that’s bullshit – we made our bed when someone turned “fyr” into “fire,” and now we should stick with it through its various incarnations.
Second on today’s list: “liar.” My lovely wife pointed this one out, and now it really bugs me. Why “one who lies” isn’t simply a “lier” makes zero sense to me. Not only does the spelling change for no apparent reason, but the word’s sound doesn’t even match the altered spelling. What the hell, right? And – AND – we have a precedent for proving that we as a people would be able to handle “lier” as the spelling: the word “outlier” exists and hasn’t exactly been confusing the hell out of people with its irrational refusal to relinquish its natural E. What do I know, I’m just a stupid bloggar.
My third one is very different from the first too. I eat fast food very infrequently, but when I saw some coupons in our mail for good deals at Burger King, I pulled the sheet out. “You’re gonna go to Burger King?” my lovely wife asked. “I might at some point. Maybe drive through before work and get a Croissan’wich or something.” “You’re ok with the name ‘Croissan’wich?'” she asked. And there it was – since I first learned of that menu item as a kid, I’d never stopped and given it any real consideration. Now that I have, I can’t stand it. I wonder how the marketing team that came up with that name …
Ad Exec 1: Egg McMuffin is a damn catchy name, and we need something cool for our item so we don’t get lost in the marketplace. Since we’re putting it on a croissant, maybe we can…I don’t know…combine that word with something else.
Ad Exec 2: Ooh, I like that. Like…breakfast croissant could be Breakroissant since they share that consonant sound.
Ad Exec 1: Exactly, but better than that. Aha! It’s a croissant sandwich, right? So how about Croissandwich?
Ad Exec 2: Close, but croissant has an “ah” sound and sandwich doesn’t, so that doesn’t really work.
Ad Exec 1: (completely ignoring him) And we can take out the D and make an apostrophe so it looks cooler. Croissan’wich. I love it!
Ad Exec 2: But then you’re really highlighting that the first word is being mispronounced. I mean, without the apostrophe, at least it could be interpreted as the two words sharing the S instead of-
Ad Exec 1: Croissan’wich. Croissan’wich! It’s perfect! Wait ’til corporate hears this!
Ad Exec 2: (shaking his head and muttering to himself) I fucking hate that guy.
I’m sure that’s exactly how it went down. Anyway, those are my three newest entries I’m adding to the heaping mound of things that bother me. I have more, but I’ll save them for another time since I’m getting pretty tierd.