“Excuse me,” I said to the casino worker, “How do I get to the Capital Grille from here?” She’d clearly been asked that before because her reply sounded almost scripted: “Just follow this walkway all the way to the end, go through the doors on your right, then cross Las Vegas Boulevard and it’ll be right in front of you on the second floor of the mall.” I thanked her and started down the path, thinking that even I could handle directions that only had three real steps. I’m horrendous when it comes to these things, you see, and even worse when it’s a place like a casino that wants it to be confusing. I felt confident about this short trip though.
When I got to the end of the walkway, there were indeed doors to my right. “So far so good,” I thought. I exited, hoping to see The Strip right in front of me, but instead saw a huge semi-circle driveway filled with cabs and limos. I took the sidewalk around the giant drop-off area and got to the street. In a small sea of people, I crossed the street confidently and saw a building in front of me that looked like it had some shops in it. “Aha, said mall,” I thought. Once again, there was a huge and crowded driveway between me and my destination, so I took a long arc of a sidewalk around it until I got to some entrance doors. I stepped in and stopped with what must have been an awesomely confused look on my face. “The ceiling looks the same as the place I just came from,” my inner voice said. My confusion got a break when someone called my name. I looked up and saw a man with whom I’d soon be dining. “You gonna head over?” he asked. “I was…just trying to,” I said, “But I think I ended where I started.” “What?” More talking to myself than him, I said, “But I crossed a street! How am I back here? It was a real street too, with a flashing red hand and everything.” He laughed and said, “Well I’m gonna walk over there now if you want to come with me. It’s just across the street.” I said that would probably be best. About three minutes later, we were there. “Wow, that was a lot easier blindly following someone,” I said.
I’m still not exactly sure what happened, but it’s safe to say that I don’t exaggerate how incredibly shitty I am at getting from one place to another. And seeing as how my lack of direction didn’t stay in Vegas, I’m sure this won’t be the last time something like this occurs. I can’t wait.
