A  few weeks ago, I was able to sneak into the Breeders’ Cup (horse racing) press party at L.A. live.  It was a pretty nice set up.  Free food, free cocktails and a shitty band.  Why would I list a shitty band amongst all the good stuff?  Because a shitty band has the potential to become transcendently shitty.  Transcendently shitty = unintentional comedy gold.

So after a couple cocktails, I made my way outside as the band was taking the stage.  Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for… Band From TV.  Never heard of them?  I hadn’t either.  Apparently, they’re a band comprised solely of television stars.  Matt Parkman (Heroes) on drums, Dr. Chase (House) on the rock fiddle, some dude from Desperate Housewives on guitar, Bob from the Bachelorette on lead vocals and I think ALF was on bass.  They managed to pull off a couple of decent covers, but mainly dedicated their time to butchering songs from current artists and a few classics.   On a scale of excellent to shitty, I would say they were crappy and I was starting to get bored.  Then something magical happened.   

Parkman announced that earlier in the day, via twitter,  he had invited a friend to help and that friend was about to take over on vocals. Ladies and Gentleman… The Commish aka The Thing.  That’s right, Michael Chiklis.  He started with a horrible Beatles cover and then proceeded to engage in some of the worst crowd banter I’ve ever seen/heard.  It was just uncomfortable.  He rambled for a little bit about horses, then he told us how his hometown Boston crowds get more involved at concerts, that they really know how to rock.  That’s when he threw down the gauntlet and dared the L.A. crowd to rock as hard as they could.  The crowd rose with fists in the air, ready to explode just as Band From TV launched into… Mustang Sally.  Really Commish?  I wasn’t expecting Metallica or Rage Against the Machine, but you have to come with more than Mustang Sally if you are going to play the rock card.  Why not The Sounds of Silence or The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald? 

When they finished the song, Chiklis left the stage.  That was his big finale.  I replayed the whole thing in my head.  Was he serious?  I’m pretty sure he was.  He honestly believed he was going to melt our faces with the raw power of Mustang Sally.  Pure unintentional comedy gold.  Pretty spectacular evening.

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Like my big bro, P-dawg, I consider myself something of a language enthusiast. I get irritated when people use “I” when they should use “me” and I get unduly miffed by a comma splice. Generally, when it comes to pronunciation, I’m a little more lax because I know that language is fluctuating tool of communication and pronunciation changes faster than spelling, and I like to make allowances for regional dialects because I find most regional dialects charming. Also, to be honest, I can be a little inconsistent when it comes to pronunciation. For example, I usually refer to a group of islands southeast of the United States as the cuh-RIB-ee-an, but when referring to the Disneyland ride or trio of increasingly unbearable Johnny Depp films, I always say Pirates of the CARE-uh-BE-an.  I tend to alternate between AH-pricot and AY-pricot as my mood dictates, and didn’t know plebeian was pronounced pluh-BE-an until I was 25. So I’m really in no place to judge. Not that that ever stops me.

Until just a few months ago, I thought that the famous restaurant guide was pronounced ZAH-git. However, my friend Maria, who teaches 4th grade at an expensive private Jewish school on the Upper West Side (you might asking yourself what kind of Jew is named Maria. The Mexican Catholic kind.) said she overheard two of her students arguing and went over to see what the fight was about and arrived just in time to see one nine-year-old tell another, “it’s not ZAH-git, it’s zuh-GAT!” She used to teach school in inner-city Oakland and said that while the students there fought a good deal, it was never over the correct pronunciation of a restaurant guide.

Anyhoo, I found that story super charming and have told it to many people, many of whom had also wondered how to correctly say that family’s name. One such person though, insists that the correct way to say it is ZAY-gotts, which I think is just rubbish. Whether he truly believes in his position or is just sticking to it to annoy me, I cannot be sure, but this little debate lead to me doing some pretty extensive internet research which turned up the following helpful pronunciation guides.

From Foodaholics blog:

How to pronounce “Zagat”

Okay. So I am a nut, I admit it. Before moving to Boston I pronounced Zagat as in Zagat Survey, as ZA-git (rhymes with maggot). After hanging around Stephen and his pals, I got into the habit of accepting the pronounciation, za-GHAT (the gat rhyming with not).

But to settle things once and for all I have just visited zagat.com to find the key to pronouncing the silly name.

From Eater.com:

Apologies for our slow start this morning; the web servers that host our little cocktail party are, as our father would say, a bit tiddly today. As we regroup, Eater offers this morsel from a reader, per our post last week about the correct pronunciation of the Guidebook First Family:

before i went to work there, someone told me this way to remember how to pronounce the family name. it’s so moving that i’ve never forgotten it:he’s big, he’s fat
it’s warm where he sat
that’s tim zagat.

While the second example is not terribly flattering to Mr. Zagat, I feel confident that my 4th grader delivered knowledge is correct and you should too. If you are embroiled in any word-related debates holla at a Bratty Kid Sister at bks@nothingreadhere.com.

My parents have lived in the same house for almost 25 years.  Recently, a couple who has been in the neighborhood even longer, decided to move back east to be closer to family.  I wouldn’t say that my parents were ever particularly close with this couple, but they were always very pleasant with one another.  Good Neighbors. 

A few days ago my parents had gone out to run some errands while a moving crew was loading up the neighbors’ belongings.   When they returned home an hour later, the departing couple was standing in the middle of the street, apparently waiting for my parents to say good-bye.  During the conversation, the husband produced a beaten up shoe box.  He explained that he had been going through the attic and found this box which had probably been sitting up there for 20 plus years.   He said he had no use for its contents and my parents were welcome to it they were interested.

The person who comes closest to guessing the actual contents of the box will win a prize.  Well, there won’t really be a prize, but I’ll think you’re pretty cool(Please don’t guess if you know the answer because you’ve already heard the story).  Answers must be submitted by December 7, 2009.  I’ll post the winner soon thereafter.  Enjoy.

Mike Honcho